Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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