Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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