just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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