Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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