just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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