if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
