loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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