OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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