Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
