Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
