so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
