He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
