Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
