I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
