i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
