is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
