i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
