Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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