Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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