Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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