Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
