If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A bitchslap is in order.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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