9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize