oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
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If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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