i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
