Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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