i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
two words: eviction party
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
