pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't notice because vodka
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
