actually, I'm a sock model
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
