This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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