you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
