soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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