Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
