Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
