Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
