I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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