that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
