Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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