i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
