Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
