I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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