he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
