You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drake has all the answers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
