Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
