How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
