It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
