have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
