I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
