Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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