i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
