I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ass is underappreciated
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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