Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
