the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
