So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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