just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
