Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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