I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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