and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
