I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize