i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
