There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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