My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
