I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we made out on top of his cat.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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