i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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