OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
