i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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