So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
