Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
