this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
