You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
